and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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