i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
