They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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