so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
