Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
