why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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