I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
