I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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