i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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