Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
