You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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