Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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