I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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