I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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