I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
