You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
