she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize