brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
