I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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