I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
