it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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