I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i've created a new STD.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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