I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
