Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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