If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
