How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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