just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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