so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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