You can't special order awesome
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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