I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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