your thong is hanging out like whoa
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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