dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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