She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize