thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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