Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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