Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
