i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
