fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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