just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
nutella sex= disaster
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize