On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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