i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
