So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
