True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
