i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
