i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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