i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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