Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do herpes really smell.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
