for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
