Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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