Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
