someone threw a dead crab at me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
