Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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