I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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