i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
