Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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