just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
