Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
