i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
