she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
