She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
