from now on my penis is your penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
