..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
