So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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