the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
