heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
