You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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