I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
