is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
